Be forewarned: Parts of this are gross. Love y'all! Happy January Halloween, everybody! Last Halloween was supposed to be my first ever expedition to Universal Studios’ famous Halloween Horror Nights, but, of course, that didn’t quite work out as intended. So, in honor of my dead and decaying dreams, here’s a bunch of nonsense about … Continue reading january 2021 bi, bi, non-bi: stroll into the sunshine
radical acceptance and spider-man
At my last full-time job, one of my dearest co-workers and I used to spend HOURS debating whom everyone on our goofy little staff was within the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And guys, it mattered SO MUCH TO ME. While my friend Andy was inarguably Iron Man from day one, my MCU role was always in … Continue reading radical acceptance and spider-man
rey (ben), these are your first steps.
I am having all these dreams since the appointment. Sometimes I have the opportunity to say out loud "I am transgender" to my late grandmother and she just hugs me. Sometimes my face contorts in the mirror before my eyes and I look as handsome as Adam Driver. Sometimes I am brave and truly wholly … Continue reading rey (ben), these are your first steps.
leaving hogwarts, part III
(because the song is playing on my Wrapped playlist again and I never have the heart to skip it. thank you, mr. williams.) Here is what no one can take away from me: (No, not those who actively seek to drain me nor those who just unknowingly leech my sparkle.) I am a Hufflepuff. That … Continue reading leaving hogwarts, part III
christmas 2021: a fantasy
(just a moment to dream, thank you:) I wake up not in a hotel in Beaverton, Oregon, but in a super-nerdily decorated apartment in Chicago, Iowa City, New York City, somewhere in Rhode Island... It will just be my apartment, for the first time. (Don't ask me how I can afford it on a grad … Continue reading christmas 2021: a fantasy
i don’t know. i was sad. (AGAIN)
CW: struggles with internalized transphobia and low body image. I feel fucking exhausted. My stomach hurts and I feel fucking exhausted. I know I said I wasn't going to do this again for a little while, but when have I ever been the model of restraint? Things hurt today and I want to get it … Continue reading i don’t know. i was sad. (AGAIN)
dani(el)
(This is the last time for a minute, I promise. I think we're all ready for a bit of a break.) I don't know what happens next, but I sure thought about it a lot today. I let myself dream big and loud and happy. I swung for the fucking fences: And now it's time … Continue reading dani(el)
i used to be a runner
But I can't right now. Okay, I guess I could. I could wake up with my alarm, could lace up my sneakers, could trudge out the front door, could move my body intentionally, could feel something like pride at the exertion... But I can't right now. Because, you see, everything still hurts. And I don't … Continue reading i used to be a runner
i might not get into grad school
My writing sample might not be good enough. My statements of purpose might be a mess. My resume might not be impressive. I might click the wrong button on the application. Maybe my undergrad GPA just isn't up to snuff. On and on and on. Getting into grad school feels so very high stakes, so … Continue reading i might not get into grad school
don’t fear the reaper: is the song i was listening to while i wrote this
The thing, I think, is this: If I can make All This into something beautiful, then is it perhaps possible I might be something beautiful? (I have been called beautiful at least once, that I recall with the clarity of a star collapsing.) I feel like I am running out of time to be getting … Continue reading don’t fear the reaper: is the song i was listening to while i wrote this
ten minute ramble, just to see
10 minutes on the clock. What comes out? First of all, my pants feel too fucking tight and I'm annoyed about it and if anyone in January puts pressure on me to lose my quarantine weight, I will throw them off a bridge, ARE WE CLEAR? Marine mammals have blubber to keep them warm, to … Continue reading ten minute ramble, just to see
i think this is a poem
TW: suicidal ideation; mind your heart I was already in bed when I decided I wanted to walk into the sea. (There is no shoreline. There is nowhere to go.) So, instead I pulled a bathrobe on and grabbed a wine glass (you know which one) and I watched the gas station Cabernet slosh like … Continue reading i think this is a poem
