I judge myself a lot lately for writing here as frequently as I do. I don't feel as though I have anything new or exciting or particularly thoughtful to express. I used to think this blog was going to be the beginning of my pathway to writing for io9 or some other cool online nerd … Continue reading surprise, surprise; some stuff about depression
of dreams and courage (again, always)
Remember who you are. (I'm sorry, Mufasa.) (Also: no, YOU'RE watching Disney fireworks on YouTube and crying in your bathrobe. Get it together. [Don't. You're perfect.]) (I miss you. I guess that's usually why I'm here.) For my 31st birthday, my Dad gave me a framed image of Mickey Mouse and a Walt Disney quote: … Continue reading of dreams and courage (again, always)
of lake water and forgiveness
Yesterday I swam in a lake without really planning it. In fact, I had actively planned NOT to swim in said-like, fearful as I was of its unseen inhabitants and of the certainty of gross and squishy shit to step in on the way back to the dock. But how often are you on a … Continue reading of lake water and forgiveness
an important detour, and a bit of a love story
Sometimes I come here because I just need the sense of accomplishment. Like, I'm going to be super honest with you- I don't really feel like I have anything compelling to tell you today, but fuck, I really need to do something. (There is no going back.) It is just past 11 am, and my eyes … Continue reading an important detour, and a bit of a love story
forgive me
CW Warning: Severe depression. (Forgive me. There has been some wine.) I said to someone before a truly lovely breakfast some months ago: I am going to write my way out of this. And I believed it. I thought it was how I could help. Myself, you, all of us. But I see now that … Continue reading forgive me
get in, loser, we’re going to love ourselves
I'll get into the "why" and "how" soon enough (too soon), but the point is that I very well might be getting a car in three weeks. I have never owned a car before. My driver's license test took place on my 21st birthday and, after wobbling my way through a spectacularly pathetic attempt at … Continue reading get in, loser, we’re going to love ourselves
of (always) haircuts and mental illness
I've written before about my hair as sort of an homage to the characters/people who mean the most to me. Most recently, my hair was a white-blonde, fluffy homage to my deeply beloved Aziraphale of Good Omens. I wanted it to be real, you see. I always want it to be Real: this being anyone but … Continue reading of (always) haircuts and mental illness
july bi, bi, non-bi: here we go again
(I never know if this thing is a declaration or a confessional.) (What I might say to you:) Bi #1: Let me get you caught up. In 2016, I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I have to remind myself all the time that it is an Illness, and not a … Continue reading july bi, bi, non-bi: here we go again
and what’s on the other side
Perhaps unsurprisingly, I am thinking about frogs today. And not just Kermit, but we'll get to him. (Always.) No, I am mostly and vainly thinking of myself for the past nearly seven months. I've been saying for a long time that I feel like I've been having a months-long panic attack that began on Monday … Continue reading and what’s on the other side
at the bottom of the wave pool
I feel like I am fucking drowning. Once upon a time, my father worked at a water park. I remember that there was a glorious Bump in the road on the way from our house to the park. My mom would intentionally speed up our green Ford Explorer when we drove over the Bump. It … Continue reading at the bottom of the wave pool
on becoming a sea monster
Sugar and spice and everything nice. Snips and snails and puppy dog tails. It's nice to know what you're made of. I'd like to know. I am desperate to draw you up a map of myself: all dotted lines to buried treasure and warnings of krakens and all of it. I am swells and dragons … Continue reading on becoming a sea monster
of monday morning to-go bagels
It is a deal I have made time and time again: Hey. (whispers Someone in my head; I do not know if they are angelic or demonic in nature we contain damn multitudes after all) "What?" I ask, groggy with sleep and stomach already aching with nerves. It is, after all, a day of fresh, … Continue reading of monday morning to-go bagels
