that shines from you (i’ve probably already used that as a title, haven’t it? dammit, dani)

The plays (for now!) are done! Nothing to write but blogs and fics and grad school essays!

How am I coping, you might be wondering?

Well, I’ve watched Rocketman three nights in a row, for a starter.

Here’s the thing: I just… fucking love this movie. I never expected it to hit me the way it did. There’s an iced peppermint mocha currently flowing through my veins, so forgive me if this isn’t terribly well thought-out or eloquent, but just… to see someone so powerful and talented and struggling and MAKING IT OUT OKAY?

I NEED IT.

I LIVE for the “I’m Still Standing” number at the end and then that classic biopic pre-credits “Where Are They Now?” sort of montage. I get so happy to see that Elton John found love and happiness and never had to sacrifice doing what he loved for either. It’s so goddamn fucking inspiring and uplifting and I want it in my eyeballs all of the time.

Also: I am HERE FOR TARON EGERTON AND RICHARD MADDEN KISSING I AM QUITE GAY. 

UGHHHHH.

In vaguely related news, I might be joining a transmasc support group in December and I am terribly excited and a little bit scared. Creeping ever closer to naming and owning this piece of myself, you know? It’s been such an exhausting year of emerging from my queer little chrysalis; I keep thinking I’m all finished!

“Oh, okay! I’m bisexual! Great, got it!”

“OH. I’m also non-binary. Cool!”

“Hey, Team, turns out I’m a butch lesbian! Case closed!”

*knock knock knock*

“I MIGHT BE A GAY MAN STAY WITH ME JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.”

It’s almost my one year fanfic anniversary and I remember the month I spent writing that first fic. I was so nervous. But I also sat on my couch every night, drinking red wine and listening to Elton John, and I think I was happy. To still be in this soft, unnamed piece of my queer yearning, sheltered by cushions and Bernie Taupin lyrics, before I was exposed and raw and rubbed red. 

I’m probably going to watch at least part of Rocketman again tonight and just continue to let that story wash over me. To contend with the idea that you’re never too late, that no one is unlovable, and on and on and on. 

Tomorrow I’ll sit on the couch with a glass of red wine and work on grad school essays.

And probably some fic.

Love y’all. Always.

Published by Dani

I like breakfast, marine mammals, Star Wars, comedy, the song "Dead Man's Party," and Halloween musical revues at theme parks. Let's be friends!

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