The last time I fell in love, I couldn’t stop listening to “Thunder Road.”
(Is that a thing that happens when you realize you’re into girls? You get really into Bruce Springsteen? Experiences may vary.)
I listened to a lot of songs the last time I fell in love. For the first time since adolescence, I spent time just lying on my bed alone, listening to songs that made me think of the object of my affection.
And I am un-angry about that love today, even though it did not go where I wanted it to go. I am working on remembering that love is non-transactional and that mine mattered even if it was not requited.
(“thunder road, i guess” is the title of the Google doc letter I wrote you that morning and never shared.)
As I drink my coffee today and hear the birds outside my window, I am trying to be proud of myself for being brave enough to be in love at all, ever, even once. I am trying to dream of a love one day that will not hurt or sting. Of a weird geek love that will compliment my weird geek heart.
I start a new job today and so I am forced to remember it is never to late to “start.”
It is not too late for me.