Dani – hope is the thing with lightsabers

in which i have some thoughts about romeo & juliet (and also access to some cabernet)

Once upon a time, so I am told, I was a thirteen-year-old girl. And I took my paperback copy of Romeo & Juliet camping with me and that copy was so well-worn and well-loved that it naturally fell open to Romeo & Juliet’s first meeting at the Capulet party: If I profane with my unworthiestContinue reading “in which i have some thoughts about romeo & juliet (and also access to some cabernet)”

turn and face the strange, or: where are we going?

Hey reader pals near and far! You might have noticed that I have NOT BEEN WRITING MUCH LATELY. Which is super true. I let my Patreon and my newsletter fall apart, I haven’t published fic in a good while, and on and on and on. Which, first of all: Is Fine. Sometimes we all goContinue reading “turn and face the strange, or: where are we going?”

i guess that’s why they call it the blues (thanks, sir elton)

I did not know my body could hold this much sadness. (Somebody said that already, right? Somebody smarter, probably a long time ago? I don’t recall.) I did not know that I could sit at a bakery with the remnants of seasonal vegetable quiche* and latte on my tongue, plants and babies and dogs inContinue reading “i guess that’s why they call it the blues (thanks, sir elton)”

of digging

Oh, fuck, I don’t know. This isn’t really writing today, I must confess; this is more akin to bloodletting. I need to draw the words out of my stupid veins with a fucking thumbtack because this is what I’m supposed to do, right? THIS is what I said I wanted, so I have to write,Continue reading “of digging”

was it you that said, how long?

I was walking home today with an iced dirty chai in my hand and there was just the tiniest hint of a late summer breeze in the air and for the first time in a really long time it seemed like breathing might actually be worth it. Inventory, self, of the twenty-ninth of August: ShortContinue reading “was it you that said, how long?”

reaches into where i cannot hide

There is this phantom of a Week I Had Once which haunts me. A year and a half later and it is still around every corner, it is lurking in every storm drain, it is in the eyes of the moth at my window, it winds its nails around my throat while I sleep, itContinue reading “reaches into where i cannot hide”

starting over

Because that’s what it feels like. That’s where it feels we’ve arrived, you know? Just start over. I don’t really do Shakespeare anymore. I don’t really do a lot of things anymore. And, at a certain point, I think I have to let those absences stop hurting and I have to, however VIOLENTLY, create spaceContinue reading “starting over”

i used to run (have i already used that title? probably)

So, I had a panic attack in the parking lot of the Big Peach Running Co. today. I felt it bubbling all day, grinding and scraping away at my bones, my stomach lining, my fucking scalp. I feel so fucking angry. I want to cry, punch someone, and drink a milkshake, order negotiable. So, IContinue reading “i used to run (have i already used that title? probably)”

i only like star pose

I went back to yoga this week. It’s been YEARS since I really maintained a serious and steady yoga practice. But I started one up last time because I was gearing up for a long brain-depression-winter and, fuck, it actually really helped, so here we are again. Last time… it was the morning after myContinue reading “i only like star pose”

reservation confirmed

Yesterday… got away from me. Or, I guess, yesterday I got away from myself. I was fine, which is always how it starts, right? I was fine, I was fine, hello, how are you, what are you drinking today, would you like a blueberry muffin, okay have a great day. I was fine. And then,Continue reading “reservation confirmed”

trying

I am trying. I am trying to do better. I am trying to wake up, perky and alert, am trying to serve cold brew with a smile, am trying to be satisfied with doing dishes and toasting bagels, am trying not to let the Voice in my head tell me it’s not enough. I amContinue reading “trying”

dress rehearsal, i guess

(what i want to say:) hello. (great start, daniel.) hello. it’s me. thank you for my name. i hope you won’t be offended, but i have taken the bones of the name i once had and i have twisted it up a little bit. see, there’s an elton john song called “daniel” and i likeContinue reading “dress rehearsal, i guess”