Oh, fuck, I don’t know. This isn’t really writing today, I must confess; this is more akin to bloodletting. I need to draw the words out of my stupid veins with a fucking thumbtack because this is what I’m supposed to do, right? THIS is what I said I wanted, so I have to write,Continue reading “of digging”
Author Archives: Dani
was it you that said, how long?
I was walking home today with an iced dirty chai in my hand and there was just the tiniest hint of a late summer breeze in the air and for the first time in a really long time it seemed like breathing might actually be worth it. Inventory, self, of the twenty-ninth of August: ShortContinue reading “was it you that said, how long?”
reaches into where i cannot hide
There is this phantom of a Week I Had Once which haunts me. A year and a half later and it is still around every corner, it is lurking in every storm drain, it is in the eyes of the moth at my window, it winds its nails around my throat while I sleep, itContinue reading “reaches into where i cannot hide”
starting over
Because that’s what it feels like. That’s where it feels we’ve arrived, you know? Just start over. I don’t really do Shakespeare anymore. I don’t really do a lot of things anymore. And, at a certain point, I think I have to let those absences stop hurting and I have to, however VIOLENTLY, create spaceContinue reading “starting over”
i used to run (have i already used that title? probably)
So, I had a panic attack in the parking lot of the Big Peach Running Co. today. I felt it bubbling all day, grinding and scraping away at my bones, my stomach lining, my fucking scalp. I feel so fucking angry. I want to cry, punch someone, and drink a milkshake, order negotiable. So, IContinue reading “i used to run (have i already used that title? probably)”
i only like star pose
I went back to yoga this week. It’s been YEARS since I really maintained a serious and steady yoga practice. But I started one up last time because I was gearing up for a long brain-depression-winter and, fuck, it actually really helped, so here we are again. Last time… it was the morning after myContinue reading “i only like star pose”
reservation confirmed
Yesterday… got away from me. Or, I guess, yesterday I got away from myself. I was fine, which is always how it starts, right? I was fine, I was fine, hello, how are you, what are you drinking today, would you like a blueberry muffin, okay have a great day. I was fine. And then,Continue reading “reservation confirmed”
trying
I am trying. I am trying to do better. I am trying to wake up, perky and alert, am trying to serve cold brew with a smile, am trying to be satisfied with doing dishes and toasting bagels, am trying not to let the Voice in my head tell me it’s not enough. I amContinue reading “trying”
dress rehearsal, i guess
(what i want to say:) hello. (great start, daniel.) hello. it’s me. thank you for my name. i hope you won’t be offended, but i have taken the bones of the name i once had and i have twisted it up a little bit. see, there’s an elton john song called “daniel” and i likeContinue reading “dress rehearsal, i guess”
something like a break
Just a little one. Just for right now. Just to feel like a person again. Just to listen to “Stairway to Heaven” and drink my iced coffee. To remember that what I do is WORDS and that everything else: the job and the job and the other job… these are to afford the iced coffeeContinue reading “something like a break”
striking back
“Come with me. It is the only way.” We don’t always know, do we? Sometimes it takes someone else– even a near stranger– to implore us to search our own feelings. My personal queer origin story began, because of course it did, at Dragon Con in 2019. If you attended that year, you might recallContinue reading “striking back”
love letter to my 10-year-old self
Dear Daniel of May 1999, Hello, soft boy who does not know to call himself a boy. (you will come back here.) You are about to be 10 years old and there is going to be Star Wars in the world again and there are toys for it at Taco Bell and hey, real quick,Continue reading “love letter to my 10-year-old self”
