CW: Severe depression. Go gently, dear heart. "I'm sorry" is the refrain of my 11:30 pm sob session. (This is why I've been going to be at 9 o'clock lately, I suspect.) I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why I need to tell you any of this. I've never been religious, but … Continue reading okay
Author: Dani
again
I've cleaned everything. I've Swiffered and dusted and wiped and laundered and lit nice fall-smelling candles and showered and poured a glass of water and chosen the right playlist and put on the comfy sweatshirt and the comfy socks and gotten cozy under the Spider-Man blanket and this is when the words are supposed to … Continue reading again
the queer kid power of nicknames
In high school drama, my nickname was "Hero." I didn't really earn it in any meaningful way. Our teacher called attendance that first morning of ninth grade with the instructions: "And if you want to be called by another name... if you want to be, I don't know, Hero or something..." So, when he called … Continue reading the queer kid power of nicknames
these are your first steps (again)
Hey, remember that time I was supposed to be training for my first marathon? Yeah. So, here's the thing: I'm still sad. As I've mentioned before, I really thought I'd be "fine" by June, the starting month of my original training plan. But I wasn't. And I'm still kind of not? But I am better. … Continue reading these are your first steps (again)
sundays and forever
Sunday morning: Wake up with a headache. Feed the cat. Make the bed. Order a bagel (again). Do all the dishes by hand. Twitch nervously at the keyboard. Get sad. (Always, it seems, I'm so fucking sorry.) Put on the theme to Jurassic Park (again) and try to feel something good. It is just now 10 am. … Continue reading sundays and forever
happy belated national roller coaster day
Apparently, August 16 was National Roller Coaster Day. My favorite roller coaster is The Hulk at Universal's Islands of Adventure. I like how there's barely any time to panic, because you get shot into the first drop so fast. This perhaps will not surprise you about me, but I enjoy not having time to panic. … Continue reading happy belated national roller coaster day
the decision jar, adventure #1
Yesterday one of my best friends gifted me a magical jar. It is an ordinary (seemingly) mason jar which she'd decorated with yellow ribbon and pretty scrapbooking paper. Inside it there are more scraps of neatly folded pretty paper. I've written before about how much I'm struggling with, "Oh, dear God, what should I do?!" … Continue reading the decision jar, adventure #1
i don’t always know what this is.
Some days it feels like this is all I remember how to do. To start crying from that place of aching emptiness, from the most pitiful pity parties every thrown on this green Earth. I start crying and then I come here to tell you about it. I can't stop telling you. I know I … Continue reading i don’t always know what this is.
once upon a june
June. I was going to get my shit together in June. It would have been six months since Everything and that's enough time, right? Half a year to wallow and to feel sorry for myself and to punish myself and to be a sad little chubby seal on my sad little chubby seal-rock. I mean, … Continue reading once upon a june
leaving hogwarts, part II
"Leaving Hogwarts" is still on my Spotify On Repeat playlist right now and damn. Feelings. (John Williams is our greatest living artist, fight me.) ANYWAY: If I had access just now to a Time Turner, I think I'd just go back as far as July 2007. I would go back to the floor of Border's, … Continue reading leaving hogwarts, part II
surprise, surprise; some stuff about depression
I judge myself a lot lately for writing here as frequently as I do. I don't feel as though I have anything new or exciting or particularly thoughtful to express. I used to think this blog was going to be the beginning of my pathway to writing for io9 or some other cool online nerd … Continue reading surprise, surprise; some stuff about depression
of dreams and courage (again, always)
Remember who you are. (I'm sorry, Mufasa.) (Also: no, YOU'RE watching Disney fireworks on YouTube and crying in your bathrobe. Get it together. [Don't. You're perfect.]) (I miss you. I guess that's usually why I'm here.) For my 31st birthday, my Dad gave me a framed image of Mickey Mouse and a Walt Disney quote: … Continue reading of dreams and courage (again, always)
