Breathe. This is what I write to myself in my planner lately: Run (ha, sure, we'll see, you sad sack), find a job, figure out your fucking shit, get yourself together, stop being such a waste of space, STOP BEING A FUCKING FAILURE, YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT. Breathe. I cannot. I think I might be … Continue reading i don’t know. i’m sad.
bipolar disorder
bi, bi, non-bi: january woes, or the one with ALL THE PROFANITY
CW: This piece deals with self-harm and just general being a mess. If that isn't your heart's jam right now, I understand if you need to go take a break. Greetings, fellow cool kids. My name is Dani, and I am bipolar, bisexual, and non-binary, aka bi, bi, non-bi. These are my adventures. Prologue: Y’all, … Continue reading bi, bi, non-bi: january woes, or the one with ALL THE PROFANITY
it’s still the same old story… (or: as usual, go to hell, bipolar disorder, okay?)
And it is an old refrain, to be sure: They are just around because they feel sorry for you. They are around because they are worried that you're going to hurt yourself if you're alone. They do not enjoy you. They do not love you. You are a burden. (You said that to me once. I … Continue reading it’s still the same old story… (or: as usual, go to hell, bipolar disorder, okay?)
bi, bi, non-bi: december feels, and oh, look, i’m talking about walt whitman again
This piece originally performed at The Come Up Show ATL on December 20, 2019. Greetings, fellow cool kids. So, my name is Dani Herd, and I am bipolar, bisexual, and non-binary, aka “bi, bi, non-bi.” These are my adventures. Bi #1: I’ve known about the bipolar II the longest. This month is actually the three … Continue reading bi, bi, non-bi: december feels, and oh, look, i’m talking about walt whitman again
in which it’s about a month until the rise of skywalker, and, unsurprisingly, i have a lot of feelings
I really hate when things end. I still remember just about everything about where I was when I first saw the initial trailer for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. I had been tasked to write about the experience for the Atlanta-based variety show Scene Missing Presents. I remember my heart pounding, my palms … Continue reading in which it’s about a month until the rise of skywalker, and, unsurprisingly, i have a lot of feelings
more adventures in running: dealing with anxiety and remembering my star wars motivations
We still don't know anything about my partner's grad school situation, and I'm living in a worry-bubble. If you know me in real life, you've probably noticed that I only ever talk about two things lately: worrying about grad school or training for my half-marathon. Obsessing over the half-marathon is absolutely more pleasant than fretting … Continue reading more adventures in running: dealing with anxiety and remembering my star wars motivations
life in the upside con
I can’t imagine not feeling at least a little strange after Dragon Con ends each year. Hell, I can’t even go immediately cold turkey off of Mountain Dew once the Con is over; I'm drinking one while I write this. Far moreso than at New Year’s Eve, Dragon Con puts into perspective for me where … Continue reading life in the upside con
thank you, carrie
Throughout the winter of 2016, my brain had the capacity to obsess over exactly two things: mental health and Star Wars. In late November, I was unable to anticipate anything that wasn't either opening night of Rogue One or my first appointment with a psychiatrist. Here was the timeline. On Wednesday November 30, I performed … Continue reading thank you, carrie
a love letter for a monster
My Netflix show right now is Penny Dreadful. I'm a few episodes into the third season, and I'm already sad that my time with my new spooky pals is so close to the end. I've always loved a good ensemble series; it makes me so happy to be the spectator to fictional friend groups. From … Continue reading a love letter for a monster
charting a course
The first song I ever heard that I just knew was about me was, weirdly enough, from the Treasure Planet soundtrack. I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms And what do you think you'd ever say? I won't listen anyway You … Continue reading charting a course
searching for myself in all the nerd places
My favorite game is "Who Are We In This Franchise?" "Okay, guys, who would we all be in Harry Potter?" "Which Pixar movie is everyone?" "Who is everyone in our office in the Marvel Cinematic Universe?" "Who Are We In This Franchise?" has rules. You can't say what character you think you are; that has … Continue reading searching for myself in all the nerd places
… and the philosopher’s mood stabilizer?
I think I feel "okay?" I don't really know what that means. I think it's been two weeks since I felt madly, truly, deeply depressed. Or manic. I feel "okay." Right now I'm sitting at my desk, listening to music and snarfing down a bowl of popcorn, and that feels fine. I could be doing … Continue reading … and the philosopher’s mood stabilizer?
