i’m tired (again, part two? i don’t remember)

CW: Being a fucking idiot. (specifically regarding medication) I love you. Go gently. So, I ran out of my meds… I don’t remember when.* *I’M FIXING THIS TOMORROW, I ABSOLUTELY PROMISE. I KNOW THIS IS BAD.* It’s been over a week. Sometimes I get stubborn about them, see. I don’t want them. I don’t wantContinue reading “i’m tired (again, part two? i don’t remember)”

happy belated national roller coaster day

Apparently, August 16 was National Roller Coaster Day. My favorite roller coaster is The Hulk at Universal’s Islands of Adventure. I like how there’s barely any time to panic, because you get shot into the first drop so fast. This perhaps will not surprise you about me, but I enjoy not having time to panic.Continue reading “happy belated national roller coaster day”

of (always) haircuts and mental illness

I’ve written before about my hair as sort of an homage to the characters/people who mean the most to me. Most recently, my hair was a white-blonde, fluffy homage to my deeply beloved Aziraphale of Good Omens.  I wanted it to be real, you see. I always want it to be Real: this being anyone butContinue reading “of (always) haircuts and mental illness”

july bi, bi, non-bi: here we go again

(I never know if this thing is a declaration or a confessional.) (What I might say to you:) Bi #1: Let me get you caught up. In 2016, I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I have to remind myself all the time that it is an Illness, and not aContinue reading “july bi, bi, non-bi: here we go again”

won’t resent, won’t despair

CW: Depression, and where it goes sometimes. Be safe, friends.  Today was a Good Day. I put on my mask and washed my hands and picked up nice coffee and pastries with my good, good roommate. I ate those pastries and drank that coffee while I looked at a dear friend’s face and heard aContinue reading “won’t resent, won’t despair”

the validation monster

CW: Self-hatred. This one was hard. Go with caution, my friend.  I do not feel like anything today. I feel like I am floating just outside of my body. I am struggling to recognize anything about myself, because who ever was I? I am struggling to recognize these blue-grey eyes, always nearly aching from someContinue reading “the validation monster”

bi, bi, non-bi: the april b-side

(I am lucky enough to have a monthly segment with The Come Up Show Atl. It’s called “bi, bi, non-bi,” and is basically a check-in of where I’m at in my bipolar, bisexual (?!), non-binary adventures. What follows is the piece I didn’t read at April’s show. Thanks for being here.) Hey! I made youContinue reading “bi, bi, non-bi: the april b-side”

i’m not ready, or: ben solo deserved better, or: yes, i’m still upset about this

Let me be upfront: I only saw Rise of Skywalker once. Because I really, really hated it. (So, forgive me if I do not eloquently cite my sources here, okay? Okay.) But, today, I find myself Google-ing, “When can I watch Rise of Skywalker on Disney+?” DAMN YOU, MOUSE. Because, OKAY, FINE. There were a few moments I liked,Continue reading “i’m not ready, or: ben solo deserved better, or: yes, i’m still upset about this”

once again, fuck this noise, or: (i am supposed to be revising)

But I cannot focus. I went through all the pre-writing rituals. My room is nice and clean, I have made my tea, my candle is lit, I am comfy and safe and I have nowhere else to be, nothing else to do. But I cannot focus. This is a theme lately. I cannot get through aContinue reading “once again, fuck this noise, or: (i am supposed to be revising)”

i don’t know. i’m sad.

Breathe. This is what I write to myself in my planner lately: Run (ha, sure, we’ll see, you sad sack), find a job, figure out your fucking shit, get yourself together, stop being such a waste of space, STOP BEING A FUCKING FAILURE, YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT. Breathe.  I cannot. I think I might beContinue reading “i don’t know. i’m sad.”