CW: Depression, and where it goes sometimes. Be safe, friends. Today was a Good Day. I put on my mask and washed my hands and picked up nice coffee and pastries with my good, good roommate. I ate those pastries and drank that coffee while I looked at a dear friend's face and heard a … Continue reading won’t resent, won’t despair
bipolar disorder
the validation monster
CW: Self-hatred. This one was hard. Go with caution, my friend. I do not feel like anything today. I feel like I am floating just outside of my body. I am struggling to recognize anything about myself, because who ever was I? I am struggling to recognize these blue-grey eyes, always nearly aching from some … Continue reading the validation monster
bi, bi, non-bi: the april b-side
(I am lucky enough to have a monthly segment with The Come Up Show Atl. It's called "bi, bi, non-bi," and is basically a check-in of where I'm at in my bipolar, bisexual (?!), non-binary adventures. What follows is the piece I didn't read at April's show. Thanks for being here.) Hey! I made you … Continue reading bi, bi, non-bi: the april b-side
i’m not ready, or: ben solo deserved better, or: yes, i’m still upset about this
Let me be upfront: I only saw Rise of Skywalker once. Because I really, really hated it. (So, forgive me if I do not eloquently cite my sources here, okay? Okay.) But, today, I find myself Google-ing, "When can I watch Rise of Skywalker on Disney+?" DAMN YOU, MOUSE. Because, OKAY, FINE. There were a few moments I liked, … Continue reading i’m not ready, or: ben solo deserved better, or: yes, i’m still upset about this
hare
This piece was originally written for and performed at Write Club Atlanta on March 11, 2020. Fuck, I have to do this fast. I couldn’t find a seat near an outlet at this coffee shop, and my laptop is super old and I can’t charge it, so there’s no telling if I have even an … Continue reading hare
once again, fuck this noise, or: (i am supposed to be revising)
But I cannot focus. I went through all the pre-writing rituals. My room is nice and clean, I have made my tea, my candle is lit, I am comfy and safe and I have nowhere else to be, nothing else to do. But I cannot focus. This is a theme lately. I cannot get through a … Continue reading once again, fuck this noise, or: (i am supposed to be revising)
i don’t know. i’m sad.
Breathe. This is what I write to myself in my planner lately: Run (ha, sure, we'll see, you sad sack), find a job, figure out your fucking shit, get yourself together, stop being such a waste of space, STOP BEING A FUCKING FAILURE, YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT. Breathe. I cannot. I think I might be … Continue reading i don’t know. i’m sad.
bi, bi, non-bi: january woes, or the one with ALL THE PROFANITY
CW: This piece deals with self-harm and just general being a mess. If that isn't your heart's jam right now, I understand if you need to go take a break. Greetings, fellow cool kids. My name is Dani, and I am bipolar, bisexual, and non-binary, aka bi, bi, non-bi. These are my adventures. Prologue: Y’all, … Continue reading bi, bi, non-bi: january woes, or the one with ALL THE PROFANITY
it’s still the same old story… (or: as usual, go to hell, bipolar disorder, okay?)
And it is an old refrain, to be sure: They are just around because they feel sorry for you. They are around because they are worried that you're going to hurt yourself if you're alone. They do not enjoy you. They do not love you. You are a burden. (You said that to me once. I … Continue reading it’s still the same old story… (or: as usual, go to hell, bipolar disorder, okay?)
bi, bi, non-bi: december feels, and oh, look, i’m talking about walt whitman again
This piece originally performed at The Come Up Show ATL on December 20, 2019. Greetings, fellow cool kids. So, my name is Dani Herd, and I am bipolar, bisexual, and non-binary, aka “bi, bi, non-bi.” These are my adventures. Bi #1: I’ve known about the bipolar II the longest. This month is actually the three … Continue reading bi, bi, non-bi: december feels, and oh, look, i’m talking about walt whitman again
in which it’s about a month until the rise of skywalker, and, unsurprisingly, i have a lot of feelings
I really hate when things end. I still remember just about everything about where I was when I first saw the initial trailer for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. I had been tasked to write about the experience for the Atlanta-based variety show Scene Missing Presents. I remember my heart pounding, my palms … Continue reading in which it’s about a month until the rise of skywalker, and, unsurprisingly, i have a lot of feelings
more adventures in running: dealing with anxiety and remembering my star wars motivations
We still don't know anything about my partner's grad school situation, and I'm living in a worry-bubble. If you know me in real life, you've probably noticed that I only ever talk about two things lately: worrying about grad school or training for my half-marathon. Obsessing over the half-marathon is absolutely more pleasant than fretting … Continue reading more adventures in running: dealing with anxiety and remembering my star wars motivations
