May it be an evening starShines down upon youMay it be when darkness fallsYour heart will be trueYou walk a lonely roadOh, how far you are from home I think the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life was when I was in middle school and discovering The Lord of the Rings for theContinue reading “a promise lives within you now”
Tag Archives: depression
sitting with depression
My routine is pretty capital-D DEPRESSED right now: I get woken up by my cat around 6:30 am, I get up to feed him, I struggle to get back to bed, because now that cute little motherfucker wants to hang out, I eventually get myself into the kitchen for coffee and a microwaved breakfast burrito,Continue reading “sitting with depression”
i’m tired (again, part two? i don’t remember)
CW: Being a fucking idiot. (specifically regarding medication) I love you. Go gently. So, I ran out of my meds… I don’t remember when.* *I’M FIXING THIS TOMORROW, I ABSOLUTELY PROMISE. I KNOW THIS IS BAD.* It’s been over a week. Sometimes I get stubborn about them, see. I don’t want them. I don’t wantContinue reading “i’m tired (again, part two? i don’t remember)”
how to rally when you don’t get cast at an international theme park
BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD, NERDS. So, The Thing isn’t happening. I auditioned virtually for Universal Studios Japan and Beijing a few months ago and, honestly, I made it decently far in the proceedings. So, like, good for me. I’m gonna hang on to that. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to auditionContinue reading “how to rally when you don’t get cast at an international theme park”
okay
CW: Severe depression. Go gently, dear heart. “I’m sorry” is the refrain of my 11:30 pm sob session. (This is why I’ve been going to be at 9 o’clock lately, I suspect.) I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know why I need to tell you any of this. I’ve never been religious, butContinue reading “okay”
again
I’ve cleaned everything. I’ve Swiffered and dusted and wiped and laundered and lit nice fall-smelling candles and showered and poured a glass of water and chosen the right playlist and put on the comfy sweatshirt and the comfy socks and gotten cozy under the Spider-Man blanket and this is when the words are supposed toContinue reading “again”
sundays and forever
Sunday morning: Wake up with a headache. Feed the cat. Make the bed. Order a bagel (again). Do all the dishes by hand. Twitch nervously at the keyboard. Get sad. (Always, it seems, I’m so fucking sorry.) Put on the theme to Jurassic Park (again) and try to feel something good. It is just now 10 am.Continue reading “sundays and forever”
the decision jar, adventure #1
Yesterday one of my best friends gifted me a magical jar. It is an ordinary (seemingly) mason jar which she’d decorated with yellow ribbon and pretty scrapbooking paper. Inside it there are more scraps of neatly folded pretty paper. I’ve written before about how much I’m struggling with, “Oh, dear God, what should I do?!”Continue reading “the decision jar, adventure #1”
i don’t always know what this is.
Some days it feels like this is all I remember how to do. To start crying from that place of aching emptiness, from the most pitiful pity parties every thrown on this green Earth. I start crying and then I come here to tell you about it. I can’t stop telling you. I know IContinue reading “i don’t always know what this is.”
once upon a june
June. I was going to get my shit together in June. It would have been six months since Everything and that’s enough time, right? Half a year to wallow and to feel sorry for myself and to punish myself and to be a sad little chubby seal on my sad little chubby seal-rock. I mean,Continue reading “once upon a june”
surprise, surprise; some stuff about depression
I judge myself a lot lately for writing here as frequently as I do. I don’t feel as though I have anything new or exciting or particularly thoughtful to express. I used to think this blog was going to be the beginning of my pathway to writing for io9 or some other cool online nerdContinue reading “surprise, surprise; some stuff about depression”
of dreams and courage (again, always)
Remember who you are. (I’m sorry, Mufasa.) (Also: no, YOU’RE watching Disney fireworks on YouTube and crying in your bathrobe. Get it together. [Don’t. You’re perfect.]) (I miss you. I guess that’s usually why I’m here.) For my 31st birthday, my Dad gave me a framed image of Mickey Mouse and a Walt Disney quote:Continue reading “of dreams and courage (again, always)”
