CW: Depression, and where it goes sometimes. Be safe, friends. Today was a Good Day. I put on my mask and washed my hands and picked up nice coffee and pastries with my good, good roommate. I ate those pastries and drank that coffee while I looked at a dear friend's face and heard a … Continue reading won’t resent, won’t despair
depression
of anger
CW: Mentions of abuse and trauma. I am angry today. I am angry at everything, I think, but if you'll allow me to be more specific: I am angry at how cold my hands are, I'm angry at how lame my Spotify Daily Mixes are today, I am angry at you, I'm angry that I … Continue reading of anger
some more to do about hope
Forgive me, but I need to talk some more about hope today. "Hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you can see it, you'll never make it through the night." (Yes, General.) I had an interesting phone call with my therapist last night. I rambled for a while, as I … Continue reading some more to do about hope
i am bored, so i’m going to pick a literary fight with my college self
What follows is something I found lurking in my Documents folder. (I'm so bored, guys.) It was saved on August 8, 2010, and is entitled, "A Foreward That May Never Be Read." JOKE'S ON YOU, ASSHOLE, I'M READING IT, AND I'M PUTTING IT ON THE INTERNET. Here we go: Who the heck writes a memoir … Continue reading i am bored, so i’m going to pick a literary fight with my college self
depression, just… not the time, okay?
Missing me one place, search another; I stop somewhere, waiting for you. Gods, FUCK. THIS. (Did you know that you were looking for me? I did not know that I was looking for you.) Team, I had a vision for today. To be fair, it's a glorious April afternoon. I'm sure many of us had a plan, … Continue reading depression, just… not the time, okay?
of limits and imaginary lines
Uncle Walt again, dear friends: From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines, Going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me. I inhale … Continue reading of limits and imaginary lines
who’ll stop the rain
I am ready to be my own Voice in my own head. I am ready to be louder than the Voices that have told me so many so many so many lies for so so so long. (Part of being loud is showing up here, I think. I still took a little break. I'll be … Continue reading who’ll stop the rain
okay, but for real this time
This isn't good for me anymore. I am writing myself raw lately, because I am afraid that you will forget about me. (This has always been my biggest fear.) I am double checking my WordPress views and my Facebook likes over and over and over again, because those little thumbs up's and little hearts feel so … Continue reading okay, but for real this time
not today
You know what? I do not think I am getting out of bed today. And I am working on believing that this course of action does not make me weak. No. This decision means that I am actually quite strong. Means that I am willing to get ready to go another round. Today I need … Continue reading not today
it’s still the same old story… (or: as usual, go to hell, bipolar disorder, okay?)
And it is an old refrain, to be sure: They are just around because they feel sorry for you. They are around because they are worried that you're going to hurt yourself if you're alone. They do not enjoy you. They do not love you. You are a burden. (You said that to me once. I … Continue reading it’s still the same old story… (or: as usual, go to hell, bipolar disorder, okay?)
bi, bi, non-bi: december feels, and oh, look, i’m talking about walt whitman again
This piece originally performed at The Come Up Show ATL on December 20, 2019. Greetings, fellow cool kids. So, my name is Dani Herd, and I am bipolar, bisexual, and non-binary, aka “bi, bi, non-bi.” These are my adventures. Bi #1: I’ve known about the bipolar II the longest. This month is actually the three … Continue reading bi, bi, non-bi: december feels, and oh, look, i’m talking about walt whitman again
an important walk i once took
[CW: self-harm] March 8, 2010 I just want to see the gay penguins. Central Park is BIG. I had no idea! I should have known. Didn't all those joggers and stroller-walkers and assorted predators on Law & Order: SVU make their home in this park? How would a smaller park have possibly contained them all? This home … Continue reading an important walk i once took
