an important detour, and a bit of a love story

Sometimes I come here because I just need the sense of accomplishment. Like, I’m going to be super honest with you- I don’t really feel like I have anything compelling to tell you today, but fuck, I really need to do something. (There is no going back.) It is just past 11 am, and my eyesContinue reading “an important detour, and a bit of a love story”

of (always) haircuts and mental illness

I’ve written before about my hair as sort of an homage to the characters/people who mean the most to me. Most recently, my hair was a white-blonde, fluffy homage to my deeply beloved Aziraphale of Good Omens.  I wanted it to be real, you see. I always want it to be Real: this being anyone butContinue reading “of (always) haircuts and mental illness”

and what’s on the other side

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I am thinking about frogs today. And not just Kermit, but we’ll get to him. (Always.) No, I am mostly and vainly thinking of myself for the past nearly seven months. I’ve been saying for a long time that I feel like I’ve been having a months-long panic attack that began on MondayContinue reading “and what’s on the other side”

won’t resent, won’t despair

CW: Depression, and where it goes sometimes. Be safe, friends.  Today was a Good Day. I put on my mask and washed my hands and picked up nice coffee and pastries with my good, good roommate. I ate those pastries and drank that coffee while I looked at a dear friend’s face and heard aContinue reading “won’t resent, won’t despair”

i am bored, so i’m going to pick a literary fight with my college self

What follows is something I found lurking in my Documents folder. (I’m so bored, guys.) It was saved on August 8, 2010, and is entitled, “A Foreward That May Never Be Read.” JOKE’S ON YOU, ASSHOLE, I’M READING IT, AND I’M PUTTING IT ON THE INTERNET. Here we go: Who the heck writes a memoirContinue reading “i am bored, so i’m going to pick a literary fight with my college self”

depression, just… not the time, okay?

Missing me one place, search another; I stop somewhere, waiting for you. Gods, FUCK. THIS. (Did you know that you were looking for me? I did not know that I was looking for you.) Team, I had a vision for today. To be fair, it’s a glorious April afternoon. I’m sure many of us had a plan,Continue reading “depression, just… not the time, okay?”

of limits and imaginary lines

Uncle Walt again, dear friends: From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines, Going where I list, my own master total and absolute, Listening to others, considering well what they say, Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me. I inhaleContinue reading “of limits and imaginary lines”

okay, but for real this time

This isn’t good for me anymore. I am writing myself raw lately, because I am afraid that you will forget about me. (This has always been my biggest fear.) I am double checking my WordPress views and my Facebook likes over and over and over again, because those little thumbs up’s and little hearts feel soContinue reading “okay, but for real this time”