FEELINGS – hope is the thing with lightsabers

in which i have some thoughts about romeo & juliet (and also access to some cabernet)

Once upon a time, so I am told, I was a thirteen-year-old girl. And I took my paperback copy of Romeo & Juliet camping with me and that copy was so well-worn and well-loved that it naturally fell open to Romeo & Juliet’s first meeting at the Capulet party: If I profane with my unworthiestContinue reading “in which i have some thoughts about romeo & juliet (and also access to some cabernet)”

i guess that’s why they call it the blues (thanks, sir elton)

I did not know my body could hold this much sadness. (Somebody said that already, right? Somebody smarter, probably a long time ago? I don’t recall.) I did not know that I could sit at a bakery with the remnants of seasonal vegetable quiche* and latte on my tongue, plants and babies and dogs inContinue reading “i guess that’s why they call it the blues (thanks, sir elton)”

of digging

Oh, fuck, I don’t know. This isn’t really writing today, I must confess; this is more akin to bloodletting. I need to draw the words out of my stupid veins with a fucking thumbtack because this is what I’m supposed to do, right? THIS is what I said I wanted, so I have to write,Continue reading “of digging”

was it you that said, how long?

I was walking home today with an iced dirty chai in my hand and there was just the tiniest hint of a late summer breeze in the air and for the first time in a really long time it seemed like breathing might actually be worth it. Inventory, self, of the twenty-ninth of August: ShortContinue reading “was it you that said, how long?”

reaches into where i cannot hide

There is this phantom of a Week I Had Once which haunts me. A year and a half later and it is still around every corner, it is lurking in every storm drain, it is in the eyes of the moth at my window, it winds its nails around my throat while I sleep, itContinue reading “reaches into where i cannot hide”

i used to run (have i already used that title? probably)

So, I had a panic attack in the parking lot of the Big Peach Running Co. today. I felt it bubbling all day, grinding and scraping away at my bones, my stomach lining, my fucking scalp. I feel so fucking angry. I want to cry, punch someone, and drink a milkshake, order negotiable. So, IContinue reading “i used to run (have i already used that title? probably)”

trying

I am trying. I am trying to do better. I am trying to wake up, perky and alert, am trying to serve cold brew with a smile, am trying to be satisfied with doing dishes and toasting bagels, am trying not to let the Voice in my head tell me it’s not enough. I amContinue reading “trying”

the blues ARE still blue

(thanks, belle & sebastian.) It feels like my words have dried up lately. On vacation last week, I was so excited by the prospect of HOTEL WRITING. Of jaunting off to the next door fancier resort, procuring an iced coffee, and scribbling out 1000 words before Hollywood Studios even OPENED. That was the dream. ItContinue reading “the blues ARE still blue”

easy like wednesday morning

It was easy this morning. It was easy to wake up, to feed Clementine, to make my bed, to lace up my shoes, and go. It was easy to appreciate the morning sunshine and to anticipate the iced vanilla latte. It was easy to smile as I listed in my head all my planned DisneyContinue reading “easy like wednesday morning”

a life worth living

And so a new dream emerges. It is quieter and (arguably) smaller and I will not give full voice to it just yet, lest the fairies be listening. The dream is still unspoken, but The Dream, always, has been the same: (or: my disney hero i want song) I want to show up in theContinue reading “a life worth living”

a story of rejection and updates, also all lemon cookies are inherently gay

(i don’t know why. i just feel it in my bones.) (anyway…) I definitely didn’t get into grad school. A panel of important people read my play about monsters working at a doughnut shop and they kindly said, “Oh, no, thank you.” And I didn’t get that job that would have paid so much more money.Continue reading “a story of rejection and updates, also all lemon cookies are inherently gay”

of home (again, i think)

first of all, it only started raining on my walk HOME from picking up my bagel and my iced coffee. Home. i have struggled with this concept my entire life. my alien body has choked on sobs in the dead of nights and i have begged to the moon, “i just want to go home.”Continue reading “of home (again, i think)”