It was easy this morning. It was easy to wake up, to feed Clementine, to make my bed, to lace up my shoes, and go. It was easy to appreciate the morning sunshine and to anticipate the iced vanilla latte. It was easy to smile as I listed in my head all my planned DisneyContinue reading “easy like wednesday morning”
Tag Archives: FEELINGS
a life worth living
And so a new dream emerges. It is quieter and (arguably) smaller and I will not give full voice to it just yet, lest the fairies be listening. The dream is still unspoken, but The Dream, always, has been the same: (or: my disney hero i want song) I want to show up in theContinue reading “a life worth living”
a story of rejection and updates, also all lemon cookies are inherently gay
(i don’t know why. i just feel it in my bones.) (anyway…) I definitely didn’t get into grad school. A panel of important people read my play about monsters working at a doughnut shop and they kindly said, “Oh, no, thank you.” And I didn’t get that job that would have paid so much more money.Continue reading “a story of rejection and updates, also all lemon cookies are inherently gay”
of home (again, i think)
first of all, it only started raining on my walk HOME from picking up my bagel and my iced coffee. Home. i have struggled with this concept my entire life. my alien body has choked on sobs in the dead of nights and i have begged to the moon, “i just want to go home.”Continue reading “of home (again, i think)”
to t or not to t
(I mean, it’s not really a question anymore. I stopped.) This morning I was working on picking out a monologue for Trans-speare when the ugly voices made their way into my brain again. You stopped taking testosterone. You were never really serious. It’s as we suspected all along: you’re just a cis girl who wantedContinue reading “to t or not to t”
but your dreams may not
It’s not time to make a changeJust relax, take it slowlyYou’re still young, that’s your faultThere’s so much you have to go through Can’t relax. Can’t take it slowly, THAT’S my fault. Okay, new plan, Team. (If you can stand it. I know I’m a lot:) I’ve been really, really low since the summer ofContinue reading “but your dreams may not”
(non) binary sunset
I’ve been on a low dose of testosterone for nine weeks. And I am so exceedingly grateful that it was an easy process to start. I know that is not the case for everyone. I went through Plume and was met with nothing but trust and belief and well wishing and positivity. So, yeah, nineContinue reading “(non) binary sunset”
but i am having this one
There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one. Kazuo Ishiguro. (because here is the truth of the matter, for better or for worse:) I am probably not going to be accepted into an MFA program this year. It is already March and I have no news and IContinue reading “but i am having this one”
trying to explain (kind of like a poem)
(this is what it is, i think:) my heart feels like there’s a crack in it. (barf. sorry.) i feel broken, do you know how that feels? do you know how it feels to believe there is something wrong with the very foundation of you? that this thing- this thing that hurts, that bites- goesContinue reading “trying to explain (kind of like a poem)”
blogging for when you need to stave off a nervous breakdown
(I know it’s late. I’ve just had Dr. Pepper this time, I promise.) Tonight was going to be super cool. Last month I bought not just a ticket, but a VIP TICKET to see Patton Oswalt- my favorite comedian- on a livestream show. How awesome, right?! The chance to see my favorite comic for theContinue reading “blogging for when you need to stave off a nervous breakdown”
big kid, you are beautiful
CW: Internalized fatphobia ahead. Guard your hearts, you angel creature. Long story short: I couldn’t go back to volunteering at the aquarium this morning because I don’t have any black pants that fit me anymore. And it’s hard to not feel like some moral failure over that stupid fact. It’s hard not to feel likeContinue reading “big kid, you are beautiful”
I GET KNOCKED DOWN
Y’all, sometimes I feel like all I do is apply for things. Jobs, grad schools, international theme park performance contracts… It’s like I’m always on the hunt, you know? Here’s the thing: I have two jobs already. I’m mildly financially secure. (I can pay my rent at least, you know?) I went to school onceContinue reading “I GET KNOCKED DOWN”
