(I know it's late. I've just had Dr. Pepper this time, I promise.) Tonight was going to be super cool. Last month I bought not just a ticket, but a VIP TICKET to see Patton Oswalt- my favorite comedian- on a livestream show. How awesome, right?! The chance to see my favorite comic for the … Continue reading blogging for when you need to stave off a nervous breakdown
FEELINGS
big kid, you are beautiful
CW: Internalized fatphobia ahead. Guard your hearts, you angel creature. Long story short: I couldn't go back to volunteering at the aquarium this morning because I don't have any black pants that fit me anymore. And it's hard to not feel like some moral failure over that stupid fact. It's hard not to feel like … Continue reading big kid, you are beautiful
I GET KNOCKED DOWN
Y'all, sometimes I feel like all I do is apply for things. Jobs, grad schools, international theme park performance contracts... It's like I'm always on the hunt, you know? Here's the thing: I have two jobs already. I'm mildly financially secure. (I can pay my rent at least, you know?) I went to school once … Continue reading I GET KNOCKED DOWN
a happy place
This afternoon, in Sunday DBT group, we were asked again to close our eyes and go to "our happy place." For the past however many weeks, I have ended up at the exact same place. (Except for a cry-worthy disaster during Week One, but we don't need to get into that.) And that Exact Same … Continue reading a happy place
on a tuesday evening: a self-portrait
Bitten down, chipped teal nails, shaking slightly (always) against the keys, against the Spotify app, against the mug of cocoa. (with the big marshmallows) A set of long Muppet-arms, patchy and dry, because I do not fucking understand how to appropriately moisturize. (A foul mouth, apparently. Fuck. Fucking fucking fuck. It's just a satisfying angry … Continue reading on a tuesday evening: a self-portrait
then you say “go slow”
(I can't.) Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of youCaught up in circlesConfusion is nothing new I feel sometimes like I am running out of things to say: (Hello again. My name is Dani, still, I think. You can also call me Daniel. I love Star Wars and I write … Continue reading then you say “go slow”
radical acceptance and spider-man
At my last full-time job, one of my dearest co-workers and I used to spend HOURS debating whom everyone on our goofy little staff was within the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And guys, it mattered SO MUCH TO ME. While my friend Andy was inarguably Iron Man from day one, my MCU role was always in … Continue reading radical acceptance and spider-man
rey (ben), these are your first steps.
I am having all these dreams since the appointment. Sometimes I have the opportunity to say out loud "I am transgender" to my late grandmother and she just hugs me. Sometimes my face contorts in the mirror before my eyes and I look as handsome as Adam Driver. Sometimes I am brave and truly wholly … Continue reading rey (ben), these are your first steps.
leaving hogwarts, part III
(because the song is playing on my Wrapped playlist again and I never have the heart to skip it. thank you, mr. williams.) Here is what no one can take away from me: (No, not those who actively seek to drain me nor those who just unknowingly leech my sparkle.) I am a Hufflepuff. That … Continue reading leaving hogwarts, part III
christmas 2021: a fantasy
(just a moment to dream, thank you:) I wake up not in a hotel in Beaverton, Oregon, but in a super-nerdily decorated apartment in Chicago, Iowa City, New York City, somewhere in Rhode Island... It will just be my apartment, for the first time. (Don't ask me how I can afford it on a grad … Continue reading christmas 2021: a fantasy
i don’t know. i was sad. (AGAIN)
CW: struggles with internalized transphobia and low body image. I feel fucking exhausted. My stomach hurts and I feel fucking exhausted. I know I said I wasn't going to do this again for a little while, but when have I ever been the model of restraint? Things hurt today and I want to get it … Continue reading i don’t know. i was sad. (AGAIN)
dani(el)
(This is the last time for a minute, I promise. I think we're all ready for a bit of a break.) I don't know what happens next, but I sure thought about it a lot today. I let myself dream big and loud and happy. I swung for the fucking fences: And now it's time … Continue reading dani(el)
