In high school drama, my nickname was "Hero." I didn't really earn it in any meaningful way. Our teacher called attendance that first morning of ninth grade with the instructions: "And if you want to be called by another name... if you want to be, I don't know, Hero or something..." So, when he called … Continue reading the queer kid power of nicknames
FEELINGS
sundays and forever
Sunday morning: Wake up with a headache. Feed the cat. Make the bed. Order a bagel (again). Do all the dishes by hand. Twitch nervously at the keyboard. Get sad. (Always, it seems, I'm so fucking sorry.) Put on the theme to Jurassic Park (again) and try to feel something good. It is just now 10 am. … Continue reading sundays and forever
i don’t always know what this is.
Some days it feels like this is all I remember how to do. To start crying from that place of aching emptiness, from the most pitiful pity parties every thrown on this green Earth. I start crying and then I come here to tell you about it. I can't stop telling you. I know I … Continue reading i don’t always know what this is.
once upon a june
June. I was going to get my shit together in June. It would have been six months since Everything and that's enough time, right? Half a year to wallow and to feel sorry for myself and to punish myself and to be a sad little chubby seal on my sad little chubby seal-rock. I mean, … Continue reading once upon a june
leaving hogwarts, part II
"Leaving Hogwarts" is still on my Spotify On Repeat playlist right now and damn. Feelings. (John Williams is our greatest living artist, fight me.) ANYWAY: If I had access just now to a Time Turner, I think I'd just go back as far as July 2007. I would go back to the floor of Border's, … Continue reading leaving hogwarts, part II
surprise, surprise; some stuff about depression
I judge myself a lot lately for writing here as frequently as I do. I don't feel as though I have anything new or exciting or particularly thoughtful to express. I used to think this blog was going to be the beginning of my pathway to writing for io9 or some other cool online nerd … Continue reading surprise, surprise; some stuff about depression
of dreams and courage (again, always)
Remember who you are. (I'm sorry, Mufasa.) (Also: no, YOU'RE watching Disney fireworks on YouTube and crying in your bathrobe. Get it together. [Don't. You're perfect.]) (I miss you. I guess that's usually why I'm here.) For my 31st birthday, my Dad gave me a framed image of Mickey Mouse and a Walt Disney quote: … Continue reading of dreams and courage (again, always)
an important detour, and a bit of a love story
Sometimes I come here because I just need the sense of accomplishment. Like, I'm going to be super honest with you- I don't really feel like I have anything compelling to tell you today, but fuck, I really need to do something. (There is no going back.) It is just past 11 am, and my eyes … Continue reading an important detour, and a bit of a love story
forgive me
CW Warning: Severe depression. (Forgive me. There has been some wine.) I said to someone before a truly lovely breakfast some months ago: I am going to write my way out of this. And I believed it. I thought it was how I could help. Myself, you, all of us. But I see now that … Continue reading forgive me
get in, loser, we’re going to love ourselves
I'll get into the "why" and "how" soon enough (too soon), but the point is that I very well might be getting a car in three weeks. I have never owned a car before. My driver's license test took place on my 21st birthday and, after wobbling my way through a spectacularly pathetic attempt at … Continue reading get in, loser, we’re going to love ourselves
july bi, bi, non-bi: here we go again
(I never know if this thing is a declaration or a confessional.) (What I might say to you:) Bi #1: Let me get you caught up. In 2016, I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I have to remind myself all the time that it is an Illness, and not a … Continue reading july bi, bi, non-bi: here we go again
and what’s on the other side
Perhaps unsurprisingly, I am thinking about frogs today. And not just Kermit, but we'll get to him. (Always.) No, I am mostly and vainly thinking of myself for the past nearly seven months. I've been saying for a long time that I feel like I've been having a months-long panic attack that began on Monday … Continue reading and what’s on the other side
