trying to explain (kind of like a poem)

(this is what it is, i think:) my heart feels like there’s a crack in it. (barf. sorry.) i feel broken, do you know how that feels? do you know how it feels to believe there is something wrong with the very foundation of you? that this thing- this thing that hurts, that bites- goesContinue reading “trying to explain (kind of like a poem)”

blogging for when you need to stave off a nervous breakdown

(I know it’s late. I’ve just had Dr. Pepper this time, I promise.) Tonight was going to be super cool. Last month I bought not just a ticket, but a VIP TICKET to see Patton Oswalt- my favorite comedian- on a livestream show. How awesome, right?! The chance to see my favorite comic for theContinue reading “blogging for when you need to stave off a nervous breakdown”

big kid, you are beautiful

CW: Internalized fatphobia ahead. Guard your hearts, you angel creature. Long story short: I couldn’t go back to volunteering at the aquarium this morning because I don’t have any black pants that fit me anymore. And it’s hard to not feel like some moral failure over that stupid fact. It’s hard not to feel likeContinue reading “big kid, you are beautiful”

on a tuesday evening: a self-portrait

Bitten down, chipped teal nails, shaking slightly (always) against the keys, against the Spotify app, against the mug of cocoa. (with the big marshmallows) A set of long Muppet-arms, patchy and dry, because I do not fucking understand how to appropriately moisturize. (A foul mouth, apparently. Fuck. Fucking fucking fuck. It’s just a satisfying angryContinue reading “on a tuesday evening: a self-portrait”

radical acceptance and spider-man

At my last full-time job, one of my dearest co-workers and I used to spend HOURS debating whom everyone on our goofy little staff was within the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And guys, it mattered SO MUCH TO ME. While my friend Andy was inarguably Iron Man from day one, my MCU role was always inContinue reading “radical acceptance and spider-man”

rey (ben), these are your first steps.

I am having all these dreams since the appointment. Sometimes I have the opportunity to say out loud “I am transgender” to my late grandmother and she just hugs me. Sometimes my face contorts in the mirror before my eyes and I look as handsome as Adam Driver. Sometimes I am brave and truly whollyContinue reading “rey (ben), these are your first steps.”

leaving hogwarts, part III

(because the song is playing on my Wrapped playlist again and I never have the heart to skip it. thank you, mr. williams.) Here is what no one can take away from me: (No, not those who actively seek to drain me nor those who just unknowingly leech my sparkle.) I am a Hufflepuff. ThatContinue reading “leaving hogwarts, part III”