happy belated national roller coaster day

Apparently, August 16 was National Roller Coaster Day. My favorite roller coaster is The Hulk at Universal’s Islands of Adventure. I like how there’s barely any time to panic, because you get shot into the first drop so fast. This perhaps will not surprise you about me, but I enjoy not having time to panic.Continue reading “happy belated national roller coaster day”

of (always) haircuts and mental illness

I’ve written before about my hair as sort of an homage to the characters/people who mean the most to me. Most recently, my hair was a white-blonde, fluffy homage to my deeply beloved Aziraphale of Good Omens.  I wanted it to be real, you see. I always want it to be Real: this being anyone butContinue reading “of (always) haircuts and mental illness”

won’t resent, won’t despair

CW: Depression, and where it goes sometimes. Be safe, friends.  Today was a Good Day. I put on my mask and washed my hands and picked up nice coffee and pastries with my good, good roommate. I ate those pastries and drank that coffee while I looked at a dear friend’s face and heard aContinue reading “won’t resent, won’t despair”

happy birthday, good omens

Because it feels like the end of the world a lot, here in my head. (Forgive me this start. I find myself desperate to write something today. Something Good. Something Meaningful.) I turned 30 years old on May 31, 2019. The summer that followed was among the harder ones of my life. It’s always hardContinue reading “happy birthday, good omens”

the validation monster

CW: Self-hatred. This one was hard. Go with caution, my friend.  I do not feel like anything today. I feel like I am floating just outside of my body. I am struggling to recognize anything about myself, because who ever was I? I am struggling to recognize these blue-grey eyes, always nearly aching from someContinue reading “the validation monster”

i don’t know. i’m sad.

Breathe. This is what I write to myself in my planner lately: Run (ha, sure, we’ll see, you sad sack), find a job, figure out your fucking shit, get yourself together, stop being such a waste of space, STOP BEING A FUCKING FAILURE, YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT. Breathe.  I cannot. I think I might beContinue reading “i don’t know. i’m sad.”